Most of us avoid the conversation with our heirs for as long as possible. As decider of your estate plan, you have your reasons for the contents of plan. Often those reasons are a mystery to your survivors who have their own rational or irrational expectations. Each of your heirs had a relationship with you which is different from everyone else’s relationship, informed in part by family dynamics. It is the clash of these different views together with the mystery of your estate planning choices that causes emotional turmoil at an especially difficult time – when they are grieving the loss of you.
The turmoil can be largely avoided if the heirs are gathered together in one or separate groups at which your intentions are explained with the steady guidance of your estate planner. Your planner can be your voice. The planner can also describe how the plan works, the law and tax drivers and answer questions on your behalf. The mediator can focus and refocus the participants on the goals of the plan and encourage positivity in communications. These gatherings, called mediations, work to reduce the emotional turmoil at death and allow your estate to be distributed to heirs with less conflict. Ask your estate planner about it or call an experienced probate mediator.